Starting nursery and back to work at the library

Stopped off on the way home. 😇

Guys, it’s just been a week.

We took Jack to nursery for the first time. That was a nightmare and a half. He did fine, aside from the crying at the beginning and end of the sessions, but I cried and cried. I don’t know how many other mothers right now are feeling completely overwhelmed and completely helpless to all that’s going on right now. It’s hard enough having to leave your child, but without any family nearby, and no ability to see friends or co-workers, we’ve had no one else around that baby but us.

Granted, he’s had some baby classes, which I’m really thankful for, but letting someone else hold him and cuddle him made me sick to my stomach. How was that child going to handle that?

Everyone told me that this was all going to be harder on me and that babies are really resilient and they handle things like nursery quite well. But after seeing him reach out to me on our last visit, and I had to walk away from him, I don’t know if they just realize that their parents doesn’t care and isn’t going to help them, so they have to just deal with the situation.

Like the idea of them self-soothing and crying it out when you figure the baby just gives up on anyone coming to help them. (At least, that’s what I always feared.)

With all of this going on, I have to get ready to go back to work on Monday. I honestly am excited to see people again and not be on mummy duty all day, but how am I going to handle not being on mummy duty? I’m always on mummy duty!

Steve is going to split his working from home days so he has afternoons with Jack while I’m at work. This is only going to be for three days, which seems like an eternity, so we’ll see how that goes.

I’m also worried about bring Covid into the house because I’ve been in my safe home bubble for a year. Also, Jack’s developed a cold, so he’s not sleeping well and feeling crappy, so this is all terribly stressful.

Now that it’s the end of my maternity leave, I’m really sad that my magical year with Jack is over. It’s been tougher than I ever imagined, but I’ve enjoyed being a stay at home mum. I’ve wanted to run away from the house screaming (and did during the first lockdown, if we’re being honest) but I’ve been so grateful to have all this time with him.

So, I’ll miss him and I think that’s the hardest part. I’ll miss spending my day chatting with him and chasing him and wondering when I’ll ever be able to sit down again. I won’t know what to do with myself.

I was really convinced that I was going to write a lot and be really productive this year, but I just wasn’t. I focused on the one thing that was the most important and that was raising a happy little guy.

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A blog update for 19 January 2021

Evening walking path

I’m writing this at 9:30 at night while I’m holding Jack. We’ve had a power cut and this poor sweaty child hasn’t had a bath. It doesn’t help that he decorated himself with apple sauce at lunchtime, but never mind.
Steve had to light the gas stove with a match to get some water boiled to make a bottle for Jack. I was tempted to go across the street and ask someone to heat a bottle for him in one of the neighbors’ microwaves but I didn’t have to.
Poor kid still is dirty.
I go back to work in two weeks. I am not pleased by this just because I feel like I’m abandoning Jack. Steve sees this as an opportunity for Jack to be somewhere else, playing with other kids, being part of the world, learning and doing and not being stuck in the house all day with us.
– LATER –
It is now Tuesday. The electricity went on at 10PM last night, so luckily we had some heat through the night. I’ll be so ready to get this baby into the bath tonight (and myself into the shower!)
I had a nice chat with one of the girls at work today, so they know to expect me in a couple of weeks. (My poor baby!)
It’s still raining and I doubt a family walk with by on the cards for the evening. This is all we can do — take walks when Jack isn’t napping or when the weather approves (so, rare).
I’m still struggling to get any real writing done, so 200 words a day is the best I can aim for. I want to get the YA series out of the door but, alas, time isn’t really a thing anymore. (And, yes, I know people say that’s not an excuse but when you have a one year old, that is the only thing you can concentrate on.)
Well, I’m being summoned once again by the man of the house, so here’s to randomly updated blog posts.
Oh! And I have a podcast now! Jack’s Mum is where I talk all about mummying.

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After Christmas and before New Year’s 2021

Santa and Mrs. Claus @beamish_museum 🎅

 

Tomorrow my baby with be one year old. It is insane and amazing. I’m excited, proud, and sad. This means that the magical year of being together is over. It means the tiny newborn who needed me with him constantly will soon have to go to nursery and not know where I am. I honestly don’t even know how I’m going to cope being away from him.

Luckily, my work has allowed me to return part time on a trial basis, so I have three days in the library office abs four days at home. Steve is working from home anyway, so he can work a staggered schedule while Jack is down the street playing and painting and making friends. (At least, this is what I tell myself.)

I did not finish a book this year. Most days I barely had time to take a shower or even find time to eat. I did some things that I consider progress because I found a niche for my book series and started working on it. However, I’m not even half way through the first draft of the first of four books. But that’s just how it is and at least I have focus and a goal which is a lot better than where I was before. In 2019 I was pregnant and too exhausted to do anything and I didn’t even know what I was going to write when I had this whole year off.

I didn’t finish reading a book either. I have loads of books that need reading and/or reviewing but that is way down on my list of priorities.

So what am I looking forward to in 2021? What can we look forward to, really? I can hope that lockdown eases up a bit, so Jack and I can go play together. I hope that Florida gets its act together so we can visit my parents.

I have planned on a mummy blog and a podcast for the future, so that’s something to focus on. Aside from my family, there’s nothing really meaningful or mentally distracting to get involved with in 2021.

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Making the most of Christmas 2020

Getting festive. ☃️

On Friday, it will be my son’s first Christmas. It will also be his 1st birthday four days later. I’ve congratulated myself and my husband on surviving this year. 

Mister Pick worked a total of 8 weeks in the office this year. He was home for three weeks after Jack was born, then when it was clear that coronavirus was a thing that needed considerable consideration, he started working from home since he had two vulnerable people at home.

That was on the 13th of March.

My family is in Florida and his family is in Liverpool, so we had little to no support during this year and even if we did have anyone living nearby, it wasn’t as if anyone could have come over anyway. But the amount of times I thought I was going insane from sleep deprivation, plus not being able to go anywhere for ages was just so, unbelievably tough for all of us.

I was trying to look after a newborn, Mister Pick was working, Jack was trying to suss out colic and sleep and all the other millions of things babies need to go through as they develop into a one-year-old. We all did this together and I’m so grateful for the time we’ve had.

So, this Christmas I’m making even more of an effort to celebrate. It’s always hard for me this time of year when I’m away from my parents and there’s no Florida sunshine to wake up to on Christmas morning (it’s something you definitely miss when you don’t have it). And this year we couldn’t have flown to visit even if we’d wanted to risk it because London is in Tier 4 lockdown. This means I have to make the most of it. I have to do my best and make Christmas a happy time for all of us because what else can I do? Why feel down about it when there are so many other things I can be grateful for?

As this year winds down to a close, I’ll miss this special time we’ve had together as a family. Of course, I’ll look forward to next Christmas when socially distanced Santa and canceled parties aren’t a thing. I’ll look back on this time as a blessing because we’ve had so many memories made together as a family despite what’s going on in the world.

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An Update for December 2020

Obviously, I named him Buddy. #elfontheshelf #babysfirstchristmas

It’s 10 days until Christmas Eve.

It will be Jack’s first Christmas, followed by his first birthday. This week we have plans to see Santa, attend a Christmas “party,” and listen to Christmas stories. I’m hoping all of it is as traditional as possible because right now, it feels weird celebrating the season when we’ve been at home all year anyway.

But no matter, it will be fun because it will be Jack’s first, so we’ll enjoy that part.

As of this week, I’m not longer on maternity leave but am on annual leave until February. It seems quite surreal as well because I’ve not been home for a year and I have a little boy moreso than a little baby. (Insert crying emoji.)

I got to about 15K words for NaNoWriMo this year, so it wasn’t a complete bust. I was going to cut my losses and make the book a novella since it’s the first in a new series, but I’ve decided to aim for at least 45K or so.

It’s been really hard with mummying 24/7 but I think any writing I’ve done (and the planning for the series) is a win. The year has been productive as far as my personal writing hobby is concerned.

I’ve also been toying with making a Mummy blog because the world doesn’t have enough of them. Seriously, it makes sense when you’re focusing on being a mother all day, your instinct is to write about your experiences. I’d started posting on Medium, but I think I’ll go all in and make a site all of my own.

For my bullet journal, I’ve watched so many great videos but by the time I sat down to work on a weekly spread, I was totally zapped of ideas. Today, I started working on this week’s layout and decided to just make it how I wanted and not worry as much about perfection because it’s my journal and no one else is going to see it (except my family).

Other than that, it’s just all Pick all the time over here. We’re hanging in there as the rest of us are and just taking each day as it comes.

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